I've been busy these past few days and have just now had the moments to sit and share some more of my insightful thoughts with you, the masses.
Wrestlemania was this past Sunday. I shared this special once a year event with a crowd at my local BW3s (how the hell do they get that shortening for a place called Buffalo Wild Wings?). Every PPV (Pay-Per-View for the three people out there who has never ordered porn or some other event) there is a nice little crowd out there. Hell, the regulars start knowing one another after awhile. It's been some time since I last visited this establishment and therefore the people who would have known me from before are none wiser as to who the hell I am. Thank God for that. I really am opinionated when it comes to wrestling. I have almost comes to blows with people over it for not liking this person or that person (one guy even told my wife, fiance at the time, that he felt sorry for her because she was with me). I've made children cry...while they were celebrating their birthday (That kid had it coming to him though. He was just as loud as I and was pulling for John Cena. I simply let him know that Cena likes the donkey balls and I was rooting against said donkey ball lover. The best part was after Cena won his match the kid got in my face and start hooting and hollering like there was no tomorrow, then Edge, who was cashing in his Money in the Bank, came out and had a match with the worn out Cena and pinned Cena. At this point I simply did unto the little kid as he had done to me. I got in his face and started in with the whole Cena got his ass whiped talk. Said little kid broke down into tears. My shining moment as a wrestling fan.) Wow, talk about off topic just a bit there. I was over-all disappointed with Wrestlemania as a whole. The Money in the Bank match seemed way to flat. The 25 Diva Battle Royal was a joke, minus the fact that "Santina" Marella won it. The Unification Tag title match didn't even take place at WM (yet wwe's website has it listed on the results page wtf?). Rey Mysterio had by far the worst ring attire I've ever seen and beat JBL in thirty seconds (gay). Matt and Jeff Hardy (each is a Hardy) had a somewhat decent match, hell of a finisher though. The Jericho vs The Legends match was so WTF worthy that they should have taken out the two flabby legends (Piper and Snuka) and let Steamboat and Jericho go at it (Steamboat is still in great shape) and it would have been better. The Cena and HHH matches were so predictable that Stevie Wonder could have seen those results coming a mile away. There was a crowning jewel in the midst of all these atrocious matches though. Undertaker vs HBK. Holy shit this match was so fucking amazing. Maybe the two main events just said "fuck it we can't top that" and threw in the towel. Undertaker won (17-0 ftw!!) but damn I have never been more heart-attack worthy while watching a Taker Wrestlemania match (my favorite wrestler can't ya tell?). Four words for that match: Match Of The Year.
Alright, enough of my love for wrestling at this time (don't worry it won't be a regular blog topic). For anyone who knows what Capoeira is (for those of you that don't Google) you pretty much know that it is mostly for looks and have never seen it executed well in any type of MMA contest. Well, now you have (Courtesy of CagePotato). You can hear the contact of foot meeting face. Seriously, this is probably the most bad ass knock out I have ever seen from an MMA fight.
Continuing on with the topic of fights. I read an article today (via ABC News) about a kid who was told "Why don't you go home and shoot yourself, no one will miss you" and he did. My heart really goes out to this family. It's shit like kids at school who think they are so bad ass and so macho that they pick on the kids who are different and who say shit like this that irritate the fuck out of me. I was by no means a popular guy in school. When I lived in Indiana I was picked on daily because I'm from Kentucky. I was not embraced by any crowd and only had very limited relationships with people. I had a girlfriend who broke up with me because of people giving her shit for dating me. What I really don't understand is why do people act like complete douchebags? I have come to blows with many a school bully mostly because I will not stand for their shit. I've been called gay for standing up for a gay friend. In the article you will read that the family is not seeking monetary compensation. Fuck, they deserve it. This isn't the first time a student at this school has been bullied and decided he didn't want to deal with it anymore. It's a re-occuring theme there. The teachers are doing nothing about it either. So who can the kids turn to for help? No one. Hell, I saw that when this goes to court that the judge, jury, whoever should decide that the family should be compensated with cash for their pain and suffering and for entrusting a school with the protection of their child. Especially considering that said school has done not a damn thing to help make the kids feel safe. Some of you will think that the kid should have stood up for himself and fought back. I agree, but some people are passifist (fuck I don't know how to spell it and I'm to lazy to Google right not). What I'd really like to see is another story from this school in a year or so where suddenly there is on kid who use to bully the others who got his ass kicked by a kid he bullied. It will happen to this kid or any others who have been bullies. Karma is a bitch people. It will be the kids who are being picked on who will one day be running this country and it will be the dick heads who bullied others who will make sure that we get to answer the question "Would you like fries with that?" People wonder why we have war and murder. I say look no further than your local high school. Look at how certain students are favored over the others. Look and see which ones are slowly pushing the others to commit such heinous acts. Those people are the reason why we still have such things in this world. They are the ones who become the next Jeffrey Dahmer, Wayne Gacy, and Charles Manson (which may be giving some more credit than they deserve due to most of these dicks living on the addage of "I'm not very bright but I can lift heavy things").
Alright I'm done for today. Until next time take care of yourselves (unless you're one of the aforementioned douchebags, then I don't care).
Monday, April 6, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
Advertisements and Super Heroes...
Alrighty then kids let's just jump right in to this one shall we?
An unfortunate side effect of this wonderful thing we call the internet is that there are ads and spam everywhere and then some. Sometimes however ads can backfire and be placed where they really shouldn't have been placed. A website called Oddee which seems to just take things from Cracked had two sections on unfortunate ad placement (Gallery 1 Gallery 2). So I took a gander at them and relized yeah ads really suck. I then turn around and while and find an unfortunate placement of my own from their website.
It's just something about the words "Mammoth Erection" and "Come feel the Spirit" that made me chuckle. Yes, I do realize that I'm going to hell for this but it's still funny none-the-less. What I also was made to realize is that way to many people are getting into the whole ad scene when their efforts (and cash) could be going to help people in need (*cough*me*cough*). In this slumping economy should "Christ Unveiled Ministries" really be putting ads (that just get ignored anyway) on a website? They could have put them to better use helping those in need and then maybe people would notice hey those ministry people are really nice maybe I can help them make a difference. Yet we see none of that. We only see and photo with the words "Mammoth Erection" followed by an ad that says "Come feel the spirit."
Some of the ads in the above links really made me feel like I will delve deeper into a "special" (as my wife and I refer to it) type of hell. I chuckled at the photo that included a story about a daughter killing her dad while an ad read "dad, what will happen to me and mommy if you die?" I know I know I'm a sick sadistic ass-hole with no reason to live. Unfortunatly, for you, I do have a reason to live: Human Stupidity. It's those type of things that get me through the day. Knowing that no matter what mediocre path I take in life that there will always be someone with a much better postition in life who will fuck up and make me laugh at them. Hell, I even read a story about a guy who, literally, did nothing for several years and got paid for it (read Edward McSweegan's profile for the Tournament of Genius (via Mental Floss). You would think a guy whose supposed to be smart would have know to shut the hell up and get paid.
Growing up I always wondered what it'd be like to be Ironman (greatest super-hero ever). When I quickly realized what being broke as hell was I settled for something radio-active to happen to me. Guess what? It didn't. No spider, no gamma rays, not even a damn super robotic arm. Nope I got fat playing my games and reading my comics. But you know what? In this day and age anyone...I do mean anyone even me...can be a bonafide super-hero! All it takes it a bad ass costume and a need to help other people (damnit out of the race already). Now unless you've been out of the loop (or just plain don't care about people dressing in spandex fighting crime) I'm sure you've heard of SuperBarrio or others (taking a stab and saying no...no you havn't). Well, now you have. I wonder which browser FoxFire uses? So with this in mind that anyman/anywoman can be a super-hero I have decided that from this day forth I shall be known as...FatAssTico!!! Yeah, really nice. Worked on it for all of three seconds. Nope, no other considerations. For my wardrobe I am currently looking for endorsements (wink wink there Nike...Rebook?...Damnit...Hey Puma how you doing?). I am not afraid to help the people. But only if they pay me or are just hot (in which case I give them my wife's ac unit she loves so much. what? you think I meant hot and in good looking? hell i'm a married man I can't look. but I can peak...hehe). I am hoping to find something that is slimming and not like the children's Spiderman costume I once wore to the skate park here in Louisville (try and get that image out of your mind. and no it's not on youtube sick-o). I think that maybe we should super impose an image of a fat ass (donkey...perv) onto the shirt. That away whilst I sit and hinder their movements until the police arrive they shall know that their evil plans were foiled at the hands of FatAssTico!
Alrighty kids. I'm done for now. Threw in a light-hearted blog. Hopefully it put a smile on your face, unless you know me then I'm sure you're currently hovering over a toilet somewhere losing the last 4 meals you've eaten at the thought of me in a kid's Spiderman costume. Well, I am off. Take care until next blog time and then I don't care.
An unfortunate side effect of this wonderful thing we call the internet is that there are ads and spam everywhere and then some. Sometimes however ads can backfire and be placed where they really shouldn't have been placed. A website called Oddee which seems to just take things from Cracked had two sections on unfortunate ad placement (Gallery 1 Gallery 2). So I took a gander at them and relized yeah ads really suck. I then turn around and while and find an unfortunate placement of my own from their website.
It's just something about the words "Mammoth Erection" and "Come feel the Spirit" that made me chuckle. Yes, I do realize that I'm going to hell for this but it's still funny none-the-less. What I also was made to realize is that way to many people are getting into the whole ad scene when their efforts (and cash) could be going to help people in need (*cough*me*cough*). In this slumping economy should "Christ Unveiled Ministries" really be putting ads (that just get ignored anyway) on a website? They could have put them to better use helping those in need and then maybe people would notice hey those ministry people are really nice maybe I can help them make a difference. Yet we see none of that. We only see and photo with the words "Mammoth Erection" followed by an ad that says "Come feel the spirit."
Some of the ads in the above links really made me feel like I will delve deeper into a "special" (as my wife and I refer to it) type of hell. I chuckled at the photo that included a story about a daughter killing her dad while an ad read "dad, what will happen to me and mommy if you die?" I know I know I'm a sick sadistic ass-hole with no reason to live. Unfortunatly, for you, I do have a reason to live: Human Stupidity. It's those type of things that get me through the day. Knowing that no matter what mediocre path I take in life that there will always be someone with a much better postition in life who will fuck up and make me laugh at them. Hell, I even read a story about a guy who, literally, did nothing for several years and got paid for it (read Edward McSweegan's profile for the Tournament of Genius (via Mental Floss). You would think a guy whose supposed to be smart would have know to shut the hell up and get paid.
Growing up I always wondered what it'd be like to be Ironman (greatest super-hero ever). When I quickly realized what being broke as hell was I settled for something radio-active to happen to me. Guess what? It didn't. No spider, no gamma rays, not even a damn super robotic arm. Nope I got fat playing my games and reading my comics. But you know what? In this day and age anyone...I do mean anyone even me...can be a bonafide super-hero! All it takes it a bad ass costume and a need to help other people (damnit out of the race already). Now unless you've been out of the loop (or just plain don't care about people dressing in spandex fighting crime) I'm sure you've heard of SuperBarrio or others (taking a stab and saying no...no you havn't). Well, now you have. I wonder which browser FoxFire uses? So with this in mind that anyman/anywoman can be a super-hero I have decided that from this day forth I shall be known as...FatAssTico!!! Yeah, really nice. Worked on it for all of three seconds. Nope, no other considerations. For my wardrobe I am currently looking for endorsements (wink wink there Nike...Rebook?...Damnit...Hey Puma how you doing?). I am not afraid to help the people. But only if they pay me or are just hot (in which case I give them my wife's ac unit she loves so much. what? you think I meant hot and in good looking? hell i'm a married man I can't look. but I can peak...hehe). I am hoping to find something that is slimming and not like the children's Spiderman costume I once wore to the skate park here in Louisville (try and get that image out of your mind. and no it's not on youtube sick-o). I think that maybe we should super impose an image of a fat ass (donkey...perv) onto the shirt. That away whilst I sit and hinder their movements until the police arrive they shall know that their evil plans were foiled at the hands of FatAssTico!
Alrighty kids. I'm done for now. Threw in a light-hearted blog. Hopefully it put a smile on your face, unless you know me then I'm sure you're currently hovering over a toilet somewhere losing the last 4 meals you've eaten at the thought of me in a kid's Spiderman costume. Well, I am off. Take care until next blog time and then I don't care.
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